{"id":508,"date":"2021-01-20T08:11:14","date_gmt":"2021-01-20T08:11:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=508"},"modified":"2021-01-20T08:16:38","modified_gmt":"2021-01-20T08:16:38","slug":"the-vegetarian-dragon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=508","title":{"rendered":"The Vegetarian Dragon"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul class=\"wpsocialite social-buttons large\"><li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=508&amp;locale=en_US&amp;t=\" class=\"socialite facebook-like\" data-lang=\"en_US\" data-href=\"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=508\" data-send=\"false\" data-layout=\"box_count\" data-width=\"60\" data-show-faces=\"false\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span class=\"vhidden\">Share on Facebook.<\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"socialite twitter-share\" data-text=\"\" data-url=\"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=508\" data-count=\"vertical\" data-lang=\"en_US\" data-via=\"@birdstoowit\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span class=\"vhidden\">Share on Twitter.<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Copywrite Peter L.\nBarnes Oct 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a>\u201cCows! Cows as far as you can see,\u201d\nsaid Dorgon, casting his eyes across the green, green hills of his Welsh home.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSo, what\u2019s the\nproblem,\u201d said Pricilla, licking her claws after a very tasty breakfast snack,\nhaving crossed the road to catch a dithering chicken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI said I could eat\na horse,\u201d said Dorgon. \u201cNot a blimmin\u2019 cow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy can\u2019t you eat a\ncow?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve become a\nvegetarian, ain\u2019t I.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not sure you\nunderstand vegetarian.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYes, I do. They\nsaid I couldn\u2019t eat beef, lamb or pork or even chicken, even if it is claw\nlicking good. Therefore, horse is still on the menu.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re delusional.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIs a cart an \u2018orses durves?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWell, we all know you have to eat the cart before the\nhorse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYour hunger is draining power from your brain,\u201d said\nPricilla. \u201cWhat we need is a stable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWell Barnstaple is nearby.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSta<strong>B<\/strong>le!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cConstable was into horses,\u201d said Dorgon, never the\nbrightest dragon, it has to be said. \u201cMaybe he can help.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI think he was more an oxen man,\u201d said Pricilla. \u201cYou need\nStubbs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI shave every morning,\u201d said Dorgon. \u201cWhat\u2019s your problem.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cNot stubble you idiot,\u201d said Pricilla, becoming tired of\nhis silly game. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s search for Escape to the Country.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cBecause there are always wannabes trying to find a house\nwith stables,\u201d she said. \u201cThere must be one close.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pricilla took out her Kindle Firestick and started a search.\n\u201cHere we are &#8211; Sebastian and Camilla looking for land for their horses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They watched the programme on the small screen, fast\nforwarding until the couple found their dream home, complete with a man\u00e8ge and\nstables. They noted the village and the coordinates, before grabbing a flying\npigeon, which upon the threat of being gobbled up, flew them to the afore\nmentioned farm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThanks pigeon, don\u2019t go far we may need you again.\u201d The\npigeon trembled but was too terrified to move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cCome on Dorgon let\u2019s see what they have,\u201d said Pricilla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dorgon and Pricilla trundled up to the stables and started\npeering into each stall, which were mostly empty, certainly of horses. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cCan I help you,\u201d said Sebastian, unfazed by the fearsome\ndragons, no doubt intent on stealing his steeds. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhere are your horses?\u201d asked Dorgon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWe only have one at the moment and Camilla\u2019s off riding it,\u201d\nsaid Sebastian. \u201cAre you looking for riding lessons?\u201d knowing full well that\nthey didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWell, I\u2019m not sure you have a horse big enough,\u201d said\nPricilla. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAnd would you stop salivating into the stall,\u201d said\nSebastian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dorgon wiped his lips realising that this vegetarian fad wasn\u2019t\ngoing to be as easy as he thought. Sneaking the occasional sheep or cow was\nfine, as they weren\u2019t often missed from a large herd roaming the hills, but\nhorses are more protected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve seen enough Hunger Games programmes to know that\nlook,\u201d said Sebastian, picking up the fire hose. \u201cNow hop off, there\u2019s a good\ndragon, before I hose you down and put out your fire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d said Pricilla, picking up the homing pigeon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou may want to try the stables at Horsham,\u201d suggested\nSebastian. \u201cThey often have horses that have expired,\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHorses have an expiry date?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cShut up Dorgon. Thanks for your help,\u201d said Pricilla \u201cCome\non Pigeon, Horsham here we go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A brisk flight later, they hovered over the farm and stables\nbefore dropping down into an open field where a TV crew were filming One man\nand his Dragon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDidn\u2019t you do this once?\u201d asked Pricilla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYes, but they always filmed it after my fasting day.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cToo may charred sheep I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMaybe,\u201d said Dorgon. \u201cAnyway, they then gave me a chance to\ndo the Great British Roast Off, but it was never going to get to Hollywood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy me?\u201d said Pricilla to herself, fed up with his ongoing\nnagging. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once filming was finished, they collared the stable owner about\nany spare horses he may have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDead or alive,\u201d said Trevor, always up for a bit of horse\ntrading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cEither I suppose, but not rotting,\u201d said Dorgon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThere are often horses that have passed away and have to be\ntaken to a knacker\u2019s yard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s a knackered yard. I often feel a bit down but don\u2019t\nfeel the need to go to any yard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trevor soon realised the drift of the simpleton dragon. \u201cNo,\nit\u2019s a place where we send deceased horses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cTell you what, we had one only this morning,\u201d said Trevor.\n\u201cIt would be a lot cheaper if you could dispose of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cLovely,\u201d said the slavering dragon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDo you want a takeaway or eat-in?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll eat it here if I may.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDo you want any sauce with that?\u201d asked the farmer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cObviously.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The owner towed the dead horse out to the middle of the\nfield. \u201cAll yours, now don\u2019t make a mess.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dorgon waited until the owner was safely out of harm\u2019s way,\nbefore with a spark and a flash, he ignited a conflagration of yellow and red\nflame to engulf the body, leaving a charred and no doubt tasty feast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAhh my Black Beauty, just what I need.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Copywrite Peter L. Barnes Oct 2019 \u201cCows! Cows as far as you can see,\u201d said Dorgon, casting his eyes across the green, green hills of his Welsh home. \u201cSo, what\u2019s the problem,\u201d said Pricilla, licking her claws after a very tasty breakfast snack, having crossed the road to catch a dithering chicken. \u201cI said I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":509,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions\/509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}