{"id":476,"date":"2020-03-18T18:30:58","date_gmt":"2020-03-18T18:30:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=476"},"modified":"2020-03-18T18:32:43","modified_gmt":"2020-03-18T18:32:43","slug":"breakfast-at-tiffanies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=476","title":{"rendered":"Breakfast at Tiffanies"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul class=\"wpsocialite social-buttons large\"><li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=476&amp;locale=en_US&amp;t=\" class=\"socialite facebook-like\" data-lang=\"en_US\" data-href=\"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=476\" data-send=\"false\" data-layout=\"box_count\" data-width=\"60\" data-show-faces=\"false\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span class=\"vhidden\">Share on Facebook.<\/span><\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/share\" class=\"socialite twitter-share\" data-text=\"\" data-url=\"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/?p=476\" data-count=\"vertical\" data-lang=\"en_US\" data-via=\"@birdstoowit\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span class=\"vhidden\">Share on Twitter.<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><h1><strong>Or &#8211; <\/strong>A Klutzy Dragon<\/h1>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00a9 Peter L. Barnes March 2020<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The Dragon picked bacon bits from between her teeth, with her especially sharpened claw. Breakfast had been perfect. Ten bacon slices crispy; twenty fried eggs, soft but with crackling white; thirty spicy sausages, straight from the farm; fresh vine tomatoes; a pile of wild portobello mushrooms; finished off with a 500-gram raw and bloody steak.<\/p>\n<p>She paid her bill, surprisingly low, and walked down the hill to finish off with a lovely cappuccino at the local Tiffanies Coffee shop. She walked through a field enjoying the sunshine when she came upon a pixie sitting in the middle of the grass munching on clover.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cPixie Lott, how are you?\u201d asked Priscilla.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d said Pixie. \u201cWhy are you not flying?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can never fly on a big breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t know why I gave you powers, maybe I should take them away.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMaybe not,\u201d said Priscilla, belching out a ring of fire all around the pixie. \u201cI know you love trapping people in a pixie ring, now see how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Arriving at the edge of the sea, Priscilla found a beautiful mermaid sunning herself on a rock, crunching on an unfortunate lobster, quietly singing to herself.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow does the lobster feel?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCrunchie,\u201d said the Mermaid, licking her lips.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot how does it taste, feel?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd the pigs you ate this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGrateful for a humane death, unlike eating the lobster alive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow would you expect me to cook food under water?\u201d asked the Mermaid.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFind a hot pool,\u201d said Priscilla blasting a small pool in front of the Mermaid\u2019s feet until it started boiling over.<\/p>\n<p>The mermaid looked down at the small pool where several snails in seaweed were bubbling away.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLooks tasty,\u201d said the mermaid. \u201cPity about the rest of the pond life though!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Priscilla walked further along the seashore checking out the debris piled up amongst the weeds, coming across the White Unicorn resplendent with her rainbow stripes, shining out in the bright morning sunshine.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMorning Wolfmother,\u201d said Priscilla.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMorning Priscilla,\u201d said the Unicorn. \u201cWhy do you always call me that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLook it up,\u201d said Priscilla. \u201cAnyway, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCleaning up the plastic,\u201d said the White Unicorn, tugging a large sack of plastic fragments along the beach, using her white flowing tail.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLet me help,\u201d said Priscilla.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo don\u2019t do that,\u201d as the unicorn saw the dragon taking a deep breath and punching a fire ball at the bag.<\/p>\n<p>Woof went the bag, sending up a cloud of burnt plastic smoke into the sky, blocking out the sunshine.<\/p>\n<p>When the smoke had cleared, the Unicorn stood amidst the wreckage, her tail shrivelled up and her glorious coat blackened.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThanks for nothing,\u201d said the Unicorn, as Priscilla strode away.<\/p>\n<p>Walking further along the beach she found a small child looking down at the pebbles and a Fairy godmother asking her what the matter was.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve dropped my stone,\u201d wailed the child. \u201cHow will I find it now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWas it special?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOf course,\u201d said the girl. \u201cIt was my pet stone; I\u2019d painted it black.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can help,\u201d said the fairy godmother, about to cast a spell to reveal the stone<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo, can I,\u201d said Priscilla, and unleashed a stream of fire, blackening all the stones and inadvertently turning the fairy\u2019s wand into a pile of ash.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThanks for nothing dragon,\u201d said the furious godmother.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut the child now has a choice of loads of stones.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Priscilla watched a group of gnomes fishing in the incoming waves. The central gnome was sitting on a throne.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMorning King Cannot.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCanute!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhatever,\u201d knowing better to interfere, no way is this going to go well.<\/p>\n<p>Walking back up the beach to her local coffee shop, Priscilla came across a wizard and witch, fighting it out over a young lady who was being transformed from a poorly dressed waif into a beautiful princess and back again.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe won\u2019t go to the ball said the wicked witch, casting the poor spell once again.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh yes she will,\u201d said the Wizard, determined that the young girl would have her chance.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s this, some kind of magic reality show?\u201d queried Priscilla.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe needs her chance in life,\u201d said the wizard, making her outfit even more sparkling<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, she needs to finish her chores in my house,\u201d said the wicked witch, \u201cI\u2019m her stepmother and what I say goes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Priscilla stepped into the fray and blew a smoke screen over the warring factions.<\/p>\n<p>This time the wicked witches spell went wrong and Cinders stayed in her lovely gown.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat have you done?\u201d screamed the hag.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve swapped your wands,\u201d said Priscilla. \u201cYou will only be able to make good wishes in future.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The witch stormed off in a huff.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI suppose the opposite is true for me,\u201d said the wizard \u201cBut I can grant negative spells instead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Cinders swept away in the TV\u2019s stretch limousine.<\/p>\n<p>Priscilla sat outside the coffee shop, sipping her cappuccino.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s the problem Pricilla?\u201d said the Prince, joining her.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEverything seems to be wrong this morning,\u201d she said. \u201cI can\u2019t do anything right.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat explains my ever after fairy tale, turning into divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cReally, I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t worry I was never suited to cold climates,\u201d said the concerned Prince. \u201cHow did this all start?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt started after breakfast at that caf\u00e9 you recommended.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI told you they did a wicked breakfast, so it\u2019s your own fault for trying it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Or &#8211; A Klutzy Dragon &nbsp; \u00a9 Peter L. Barnes March 2020 &nbsp; The Dragon picked bacon bits from between her teeth, with her especially sharpened claw. Breakfast had been perfect. Ten bacon slices crispy; twenty fried eggs, soft but with crackling white; thirty spicy sausages, straight from the farm; fresh vine tomatoes; a pile [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=476"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":479,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476\/revisions\/479"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.peterlbarnes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}