Copywrite Peter Barnett
A long time ago, a seventeenth century blacksmith was working on a long steel pipe for a customer called Lord Brexman. Lord Brexam’s estate was overrun with deer and he needed some economic and effective way to bring them to his table. He was having a party with many guests and the deer were roaming all over the hills, making bringing them down with bows and arrows very haphazard.
Lord Brexham had found a recipe for some exploding black powder which required along with some sulphur, copious amounts of urine and charcoal, both ingredients were abundant at the local blacksmith. Now all he needed was a way to blast a small projectile a long distance.
After long discussions with his blacksmith they agreed a long steel pipe was the way to go. The blacksmith finally had the long straight pipe, open at one end and closed at the other where he drilled a small hole and cavity. Lord Brexham commissioned a carpenter to carve a stock to hold the barrel and it was ready to test.
They wrapped a small amount of the black powder in a small bag and rammed it down the barrel followed by a round lead ball. Lord Brexham feared that the whole device might blow up in his face and asked one of his minions to shoot at a herd of deer which were grazing nearby. A small amount of the flash powder was placed in the cavity and everything was set. The minion lifted up the barrel and the blacksmith placed a glowing rope onto the flash pan. A second later there was an immense bang and the projectile hurtled towards the unsuspecting deer, knocking it down and killing it instantly.
The minion fell over backwards with the force of the explosion but was unhurt.
“Wonderful,” said the Lord. “I shall name this device the ‘Brexit’, after me of course.”
The dinner party with foreign diplomats turned into a bit of a disaster as each wanted their home-grown food represented on the table. The discussion around the fish course was especially heated, as were talks about who had the best tomatoes.
However, the Brexit became extremely successful and soon became the mainstay of weapons to win wars, and lose them of course, but the earliest device became a very collectable item, especially amongst politicians of the modern day.
David was presented one after his desire to preserve the status quo and it reminded him of the English civil war.
One named Theresa showed an interest in them, as it reminded her of the successful wars in Europe and bought one to hang in her bedroom.
One named Jeremy bought one, as an ironic reminder of his perceived horrors of the colonial era.
Whenever the three were seen on the streets of London they paraded their ancient weapons as a reminder of what they stood for and the crowds cheered or jeered depending on their inclinations. Some leaning one way and some another, hurling insults at each other such as leave or remain. Finally, it all came to a head one day as all the minions were given a final choice.
“Call yourself the three brexiteers, you’re useless,” said the electorate, pointing their fingers at them. “You’re fired.”
And so it was, that a mop haired, Boris, was handed the baton.